


Eggs?

by ZombiePanda85



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, M/M, Other, Triad - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-05
Updated: 2019-09-05
Packaged: 2020-10-10 07:20:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20524133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZombiePanda85/pseuds/ZombiePanda85
Summary: Written for a prompt found on tumblr as an exercise to shake off the cobwebs and dust from my writing skills.“You’re famous and I jokingly left a comment on your social media post asking if you’ll go egg my ex-partner’s house with me this weekend, and I never actually expected you to respond, let alone show up Friday night with dark sweatshirts, toilet paper rolls, and three egg cartons tucked under your arm” AU-	From https://writing-and-nutmeg.tumblr.com/





	Eggs?

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written anything in like over 10 years. Be gentle! Before I jumped into it again, I wanted to write something to get the juices flowing. I found the prompt on tumblr and figured I could use a rough idea of it and created this short story. Constructive feedback much appreciated!
> 
> Many thanks to https://writing-and-nutmeg.tumblr.com/ for the inspiration.
> 
> I own nothing. Except two cats and lots of books.

**“You’re famous and I jokingly left a comment on your social media post asking if you’ll go egg my ex-partner’s house with me this weekend, and I never actually expected you to respond, let alone show up Friday night with dark sweatshirts, toilet paper rolls, and three egg cartons tucked under your arm” AU**

  * From <https://writing-and-nutmeg.tumblr.com/>

Hermione stared across the common room at the outright vulgar display going on between Ron and Lavender. The Quidditch match was won in a spectacular manner and Ron proved his worth to the team and their house. Unfortunately, Hermione hadn’t been able to congratulate Ron yet as Lavender had been attached to Ron’s face since the team had entered the common room.

“Oh Won-Won! You were amazing!” Lavender girly voice could be heard. Hermione supposed they had to come up for air at some point. Glancing over, just in time to watch them go back at it. Hermione winced.

It’s not that Ron was technically doing anything wrong. He and Hermione had tried dating for a few weeks before calling it off, a couple weeks ago. Turns out they just weren’t that compatible, at the moment, but Hermione was sure they _would_ be, once Ron got his head out of his arse.

Hermione had been confused at the beginning of the evening when she saw Lavender pounce on Ron, afterwards she had felt an uncomfortable swooping sensation in her stomach that was quickly replaced by disappointment.

Unable to join in the merriment or watch anymore, Hermione decided head to bed. Maybe she could find some homework she had forgotten to get a head start on. She stood up from the armchair she had been curled up in with Harry, said a quick goodnight and made her way towards the stairs leading up to the girl’s dormitory. Green eyes followed her movement.

The dormitory she shared with Lavender and Parvarti was empty and dark; which suited Hermione’s current mood perfectly. Seeing Crookshanks curled up on her quilt, she quickly scoped him up and buried her face in his soft fur. He made a slightly perplexed noise but didn’t protest her treatment of him. Hermione walked towards the windows and sat down on the side of Patil’s bed; she gazed outside into the dark without focusing, quietly shutting her mind off.

She didn’t know how long she sat there staring off into the night, Crooks was asleep in her arms, no longer purring. Slowly the noise and celebration from the common room below registered as it came back to her attention in bits and pieces. Hermione stretch a bit as her back was a little sore from sitting so long without moving. Suddenly her attention was caught by a dark figure walking in the courtyard below towards the astronomy tower. A bright blond head of hair and long gait told Hermione all she needed to identify the person. Hermione didn’t buy Harry’s theory that Malfoy was a Death Eater and Malfoy was the least of her concerns tonight. Hermione turned from the window and deposited Crooks back on the quilt. Tugging off her jumper to get ready for bed, she decided to get a good night’s rest and push off her worries until tomorrow. Climbing into bed, Hermione shut the drapes casting a silencing and sticking charm to the curtains, effectively closing herself off from the world.

*****

It had been weeks now, and still Ron and Lavender were quite literally stuck together. Hermione had sailed right past disappointment and was simmering in her anger. Ron was falling behind in a few classes and it was impossible to get him to focus, or to even get his face off Lavender’s to hold a conversation with him. It was driving Hermione barmy.

“Stop glaring.” An amused voice came in from her right. Hermione looked over into the green eyes of her best friend. His lopsided smile took the sting out of the words.

“It’s a bit like a train wreck isn’t it?” Hermione muttered glumly trying to not look across the table at Ron. Harry laughed softly but his eyes swung down to the far end of the Gryffindor table to see Ginny and Dean quietly talking while eating breakfast.

“Yeah, a bit.” Harry trailed off and grabbed another rasher of bacon. Hermione knew that his pain went deeper than her disappointment and she suddenly felt bad for drawing his attention to Ginny. Hermione bumped his shoulder and smiled when he looked at her.

“My cousin told me once that she egged her ex’s house to get back at him a bit for being a git.” Hermione shared.

Harry laughed, “I don’t think egging The Burrow is going to help.”

“True, but I bet it’s pretty therapeutic.” Hermione sighed, enjoying the fantasy.

Harry stood up and pulled Hermione up with him.

“Time for class!” Harry said loudly, but Ron didn’t appear to hear.

“Ron!” Hermione bit out. Ron raised his face and looked at them.

“Sorry, missed that?” He asked, looking at them both with a sheepish smile on his face.

“We have class soon, are you coming?” Hermione questioned. She couldn’t quite help that it came out rather accusatory and her hands had made their way to her hips.

“Oh, he’ll catch up, won’t you Won-Won?” Lavender interrupted gazing at this face.

“Ah, right…yeah, I’ll catch up!” Ron parroted back.

“Ron. I know you’re falling behind, you could use this time to get to class early and catch up on some of your work. Have you even started the essay Professor Binns assigned about the Goblin Wars?” Hermione admonished.

Ron looked contrite, his face turning red and was looking as if he would get up, but Lavender had other plans.

“Ron’s brilliant, he’ll get the essay done. Everyone knows Binns just assigns the essay and marks whether you turn something in or not. It’s not like he can even read the scrolls, he’s a ghost! You’re just being a prude and out to ruin everyone’s fun!” Lavender sniffed and pulled Ron up. “Let’s go somewhere else, we still have time before class.” Lavender pulled Ron towards the doors. Ron looked back his face was a bit green now and sorry.

Hermione fumed.

“He’ll come around. I figure he’s got to be getting a bit irritated by now.” Harry said as he put his hand on her shoulder.

Hermione shook her head and put her arm through Harry’s as they headed towards Charms together.

******

*Tap Tap*

Hermione turned over, groaning.

*Tap Tap*

Blinking her eyes open, Hermione’s blurry gaze landed on a white figure just outside the window. Sitting up and rubbing her eyes Hermione finally focused on the offending creature, only to recognize Hedwig sitting just outside the window, waiting patiently for Hermione to gather her bearings.

Hermione rushed to the window and lifted it. Hedwig didn’t bother to come in, she just waited for Hermione to pull the scroll off her leg.

“Thanks Hedwig!” She exclaimed quietly, placing a couple treats on the ledge for the owl. Looking over at her sleeping dorm mates Hermione shut the window and sat on her bed. She quickly opened the scroll, breathlessly hoping that everything was okay.

> **Meet me at the pear at 6am tomorrow.**
> 
> **-H**

Harry. This wouldn’t be the first time he’s sent her a note in the middle of the night, but she couldn’t for the life of her think of a reason to explain this one. Shaking her head, Hermione sets an alarm through her wand and pulls the covers back over her and falls back asleep.

*****

In the morning Hermione dresses quietly, although Parvati and Lavender sleep deeply, she doesn’t want to risk them asking where she’s off to so early on a Friday morning. They were the worst gossips in the school and if they didn’t like your explanation, they would find their own reasoning and share their assumptions with others.

By the time Hermione approached the kitchen corridor, she was breathing a bit heavily from the walk from Gryffindor tower to the kitchens which were situated under the Great Hall, it was a bit far. Before she could tickle the pear to enter the kitchens though, the portrait swung out narrowly missing her.

“Quick, take these! Dobby is grabbing a couple more.” Hermione could hear Harry’s voice but wasn’t able to see him. A couple cartons of eggs were roughly thrust into her hands and Hermione blinked down at them confused.

“Harry! Are you daft? I didn’t actually mean it!” Hermione shouts as she realises her comment from a few days ago plays out in her mind. She hears him laughing somewhere through the portrait hole and she smiles amused despite herself.

“Do you recon this is enough?” Harry asks as he takes the invisibility cloak off and shows her that he is also holding a couple dozen eggs in cartons. “I’ve never actually done this before.” He says sheepishly.

“We aren’t doing it all!” Hermione declared. She looked about ready to spit fire. Or at least list how many school rules they were breaking this time.

“Come on Hermione, I know you want to. Ron’s been an arse. And you’ve been quiet ever since he didn’t defend you when Lavender called you a ---.” Harry trailed off.

Hermione sucked in a breath, no doubt to really let Harry have it when they were interrupted.

“Well now, what do we have here?” A voice drawled.

Looking over, Harry and Hermione saw Draco leaning up against the wall near the stairs that led up to the Great Hall. He was wearing his regular robes, but his tie was a bit loose and crooked. He looked pleasantly ruffled, Hermione noticed.

“Sod off, Malfoy.” Harry said with disinterest causing Draco to look a bit put out to be brushed off.

Hermione took a moment to really look at Draco. He was pale, more pale than usual with smears of purple under his eyes. He had left them alone for the last couple months this year, it was closing in on Christmas hols and this was the first conversation they had had. After the battle of the Department of Mysteries last year, and his father’s subsequent arrest, Hermione thought the insults would have increased.

Looking at him now thought, it had been awhile since she saw that gleam in his eye and Hermione actually breathed a sigh of relief to see it. She didn’t realise it had been missing for so long before seeing it now.

Draco and Harry looked at her questioningly.

“It’s just a prank Malfoy.” Hermione explained. “In fact, you’re welcome to join us.” She offered. Harry looked at her with his mouth hanging open. Draco seemed taken aback.

“Why? So, you can make it so I take the fall for you?” Draco asked pushing off the wall and stalking towards them.

“It’s actually quite harmless-“ Hermione began.

“We’re going to cover Ron’s bed in eggs. It’s a muggle thing.” Harry explained cutting her off. “Nothing a few cleaning spells won’t fix.”

Draco shook his head. “And how are you going to do this without him noticing?”

“Oh! We have to hurry Hermione!” Harry said looking at her. “We need to do this while the rest of them are at breakfast.” As Harry and Hermione made to start to leave, Draco’s voice halted their progress.

“I’m in. I could do with a laugh. And watching two Gryffindors attempt to pull off a prank without getting caught sounds like it might just do the trick.” Draco stated with a smirk.

“We’re not all going to fit under the cloak Harry. Here take these.” Hermione passes the cartons she was holding off to Draco.

“What about you Hermione?” Harry asked as he pulled his cloak out.

“I’ll just say I was in the library, it’s what everyone expects out of me anyways.” She said with a smirk.

Draco looked at her a little curiously. “Get up to trouble often do you?” Draco asked tilting his head to look at them both.

“Oh, you have no idea Malfoy!” exclaimed Harry, laughing at the expression on Draco’s face. It’s now a mix of curiosity and wariness.

“Okay, under you go!” Hermione directs and flips the cloak over both Harry and Draco. She gives them a once over and starts laughing. “You’re going to need to stand a bit closer together. We aren’t 12 anymore and I can see both your feet.”

There is some shuffling and a “Mind where you’re putting your wand Potter!” that sends Hermione into a fit of giggles. Pulling herself together, Hermione taps her head and cast the disillusionment charm on herself.

“That’s actually impressive Granger.” Draco drawled out.

“We’re running out of time, let’s go!” Harry states getting them moving towards the stairs.

*******

It took awhile and some grumping from under the cloak, but they made it to the Gryffindor common room without getting caught. Hermione removed the charm from herself before entering the common room. Dean and Seamus were just gathering their things to head down to breakfast.

“Is Harry still up there?” Hermione asked Dean as they walked by pointing to the boy’s dorms.

“Nope, you must have missed him. We’re the last ones out.” Dean responded.

“Oh, okay. Thanks. I’ve got to grab a book; see you at breakfast!” Hermione said brightly as she headed towards the stairs to the dormitory.

She waited at the base of the stairs and watched as the cloak was removed revealing Harry and Draco. Hermione gave them a bit of a once over as they both had splotches of red high on their cheeks and were quiet.

“Seems clear.” She says, instead of what she wants to comment on. Harry nods and they head towards the stairs, Draco following while curiously looking around the red and gold room.

Entering the boy’s dormitory with five beds, the curtains all pulled back and revealing that it is indeed empty. Harry put down his cartons and watched Draco move around, he had a look on his face that Hermione couldn’t decipher. Draco suddenly looked up and caught Harry looking at him, both boys flushed a bright red.

Hermione’s lips part and a breathy gasp escapes; both boys turn to look at her, the sound having grabbed their attention. Not sure what her face is showing, Hermione takes a deep breath to get her bearings and both boys eyes glance down at her chest as she does so.

A strange feeling of anticipation overcomes Hermione as both Harry and Malfoy watch her, and experimentally she takes another deep breath. Suddenly Harry is there, his lips on hers. Hermione gasps again and Harry’s tongue uses the opening to plunder her mouth. There is a rushing sensation sweeping up from her toes, expanding to a satisfying warmth that covers her entire body. Her arms wrap around his head. Harry pushes her back against a bed post and her leg comes up to hitch at his hip, Harry grinds into her centre and groans.

They are so lost in what they are doing that it takes Draco dropping the cartons of eggs he is holding to the floor before both Gryffindor’s turn to look at him with flushed faces and the same glazed look. Draco is still standing by one of the beds, his long finger hand wrapped around a bed post. His grey eyes flick from Hermione to Harry and back again taking in everything. A quick glance down reveals that he is in a similar state as Harry.

“Malfoy…” Harry says on an exhale, and he shifts to the side exposing more of Hermione, while raising an eyebrow in challenge.

Draco seems conflicted, with a shrug Harry moves behind Hermione and brushing her soft chestnut curls out of the way, starts kissing her neck. Harry’s hands have slid her robes from her shoulders to pool at her feet. She’s wearing a white button down tucked into her school skirt. One of Harry’s hands starts caressing her breast, sliding between the buttons and popping them open to reach her flesh, all the while nibbling on that soft spot on her neck. Hermione keeps her gaze on Draco as her eyes further dilate with desire.

“Bloody hell…” With a curse Draco crosses the room with purpose. Hermione’s pulse picks up as he strides towards them. His hand slides along her cheek and into her hair, tilting her head back and his mouth descends upon hers, hard.

Caught as she is between the two of them, Hermione can’t do much except kiss Draco back with abandon and arch into Harry’s caresses. Her hands have wound their way into Draco’s hair, scrapping along his scalp. She can feel Harry’s hand, the one not permanently attached to her breast reach out to graze up Draco’s length that is pressed against her. Because of their positioning, Harry managed to rub both her and Draco with the same stroke.

With the touch, Draco broke off his kiss with Hermione to look at Harry over her shoulder, his hand left her waist to grab Harry by the back of the head pulling him closer to plunge his tongue into the other man’s mouth. Hermione was pressed tightly between them both, could feel both their arousals rubbing against her. The muggle phrase of burning a candle at both ends floated across her mind and she giggled as she slid out from between them.

Draco and Harry were now pressed tightly together, their tongues warring with each other as they had warred through their school years. They were stunning in their contrast to each other; one light and one dark. Draco a bit taller than Harry, but Harry was a bit more filled out. Harry was currently removing Draco’s robes as well as trying to remove his own. Hermione guessed that this was really happening.

Throwing a locking and silencing spell at the door, Hermione moved closer to them unbuttoning her shirt as she did so. Hermione was entranced by the two men pushing and grinding at each other. She thought she heard one of them make a disgruntled noise as they fought to remove each other clothes without breaking their kiss. Ever helpful, Hermione started undoing their belts.

In short order she had both men naked, for the most part. Draco still had his crisp white shirt on, most of the buttons undone, exposing his pale chest and blond hair leading a pathway down. Harry was still wearing his Gryffindor tie as Draco was using it to pull Harry closer.

Hermione was on knees from helping them remove their slacks, and as she gazed upwards watching them both she could think of no better place to be. She took both men into each hand and pumped them once, twice.

“Blimey Hermione! Warn a guy, will you?” Harry groaned from above her. Smirking Hermione took all of Harry into her mouth in one go, causing him to hiss. She forced her lips to meet his skin, calming her throat before rising off him with a pop. She continued pumping him and repeated the motion on Draco’s cock. Draco’s hand was in her hair holding her to him and setting the pace. She alternated between the two before Draco with a growl picked her up and tossed her into the nearest bed.

Hermione squeaked a bit before landing and glared at Draco. Harry smirked. And by some silent agreement both men started stalking towards the bed. Hermione’s tongue darted out at the look of hunger on both their faces.

Draco reached the bed first and started climbing her legs, looking for all the world like he would devour her. He snagged her knickers and dragged them down her tanned legs. He did while watching her eyes, and he dragged them down slowly. Hermione bit her lip.

“Scared Granger?” he taunted. Without waiting for her to reply, his head dipped down, and he licked at her core. After a few more licks he slid his hands under her thighs to hold her in place while he worked. A slew of breathy curses escaped Hermione and she could do nothing but endure the onslaught.

Harry stood by the bed and leaned over to kiss her, muffling her curses and giving her something to expend her pent-up energy on. Hermione kissed him back with abandon and grabbed his cock, pumping it in time to Draco’s ministrations. A few minutes later Draco plunged two fingers into her driving in fast and hard and sucked on her clit. Hermione’s world exploded with a scream that Harry swallowed.

Still stuck in cotton headed world of bliss, Draco gave her no time to recover and he sunk into her causing her breath to hitch as her body grew accustomed to him. Elbows on either side of her head, fingers tangled in her hair, Draco kissed her deeply giving Hermione a taste of herself. It was a lovely kiss, but Hermione wanted more.

“Harder Draco!” She had leaned forward as much as his chest would allow to bite at his ear and breathlessly whisper the words. With a smile and not a smirk he complied drilling her into the mattress and pushing her up the bed.

A grunt from Draco and his pace slowed down, looking down his body she could see Harry behind him and knew that he was sliding into his arse. Once seated they took a moment to collect themselves. Draco kissed his way up her neck and kissed her softly but thoroughly. By some unspoken agreement the two men began to move, with Hermione tilting her hips up in time to meet them each thrust.

“So tight….Ugh! Dammit Malfoy!” Harry cursed and his speed picked up, but his rhythm was disjointed. Draco also picked up his speed and soon they were all panting heavily. Hermione crested first, feeling a pressure deep within her suddenly release, pleasure so intense her toes curled. Draco feeling her walls clench around him and Harry hammering away, came second with a snarl in her ear.

Hermione felt Harry still and knew that he had also found completion. Harry sort of toppled to the side breathing hard. Hermione could feel Draco’s chest heaving matching her own, his added weight making it a bit difficult.

“Draco…breathing…is important.” Without another word he slid off her landing between her and Harry.

They stayed that way for a about ten minutes, relearning how to breathe. Draco was absently playing with her hair, eyes closed. When their breathing had returned to a normal state, Hermione rolled onto her side and pressing up against Draco. She was lightly trailing her fingers up his thigh to his hip and back again. She looked across the blond man to her raven hair friend. Her eyes asking the question she dared not speak out loud.

“So, I thought we weren’t going to do this again.” Harry stated, his eyes staring intently at Draco. Draco swallowed and silence resumed. After a few minutes, Hermione noticed that his jaw was clenched, and he had stopped playing with her hair.

“Hey, we aren’t asking anything of you Draco. In fact, I’m quite happy. I missed you” Looking across to Harry and seeing his resolve. “We missed you.” She clarified.

Draco sat up abruptly and started to slide from the bed. Hermione watched him in silence, and he started to gather his clothes.

Harry sat up and placed his hand on Draco’s arm, stopping his jerky movements.

“Draco, whatever it is mate, we can handle it.” It was then that Hermione realised that Draco’s movements were jerky, but not out of anger but that he was trying so hard to control his sobbing.

Hermione sat up and got to her knees, she wrapped her arms around him, tucking his head under her chin and making soothing noises. Harry wrapped his long arms around them both. They rocked and cried softly together, just supporting him.

Draco shifted and both Harry and Hermione gave him some room to move but didn’t go far. Draco was slipping his button up shirt off his shoulders and his arm. The Dark Mark glared prominently from his pale skin. Neither Harry or Hermione made a sound.

“He…” Draco sighed and started again. “He threatened my mother, he made me take it. For father’s failure, to punish him. And I don’t know what to do.”

“Oh Draco.” Hermione wrapped her arms around him again and gave him a salty chaste kiss. “We’ll go to Dumbledore, the Order. They’ll help, they can protect your parents. Harry and I will help you as well.” Hermione stated as if it was the simplest of all plans.

Draco gave a self-deprecating laugh. “I’m supposed to kill Dumbledore, why would be help his would-be assassin?”

“Because I’ll make him.” Harry sounded so sure of himself, so calm. Hermione believed him. He gave Draco a hard kiss on his stunned lips and stood up. Tie still askew.

“Come on, get dressed. We have people to extract and a madman to kill.”

Draco and Hermione laughed at his sudden exuberance and determination.

“Harry-” Hermione started, getting his attention. “Perhaps we should get cleaned up first?” Pointing to her wild hair.

“We don’t have time for that Hermione!” Harry argued.

“I have the password to the prefect’s bath.” She countered.

“We have time for that Potter!” Draco said, picking Hermione up.

The trio quickly dressed made their way to two floors down to the Fifth-floor prefects bath.

*******

After lunch, a yelp is heard in the Gryffindor common room, coming from the boy’s dormitory. A disgruntled Ron makes his way down a few minutes later and Lavender rushes to her place at side.

“What’s the matter?” she asked.

“Some bloody git, left cartons of eggs all over the dormitory and I stepped in some.” Ron replies, still looking confused.

Harry and Hermione curled up in the corner chair closest to the fire, laugh quietly together upon hearing his response.


End file.
